If there's one thing most of us dread about the Oscars telecast, it's the stars' dull, dull, dull acceptance speeches in which they thank everyone from their lawyers to their hairdressers. This year, they'll be encouraged to save it for the Internet.
For the first time, Academy Award organizers will be providing a "Thank You Cam" backstage that will be broadcast over the Oscars' website.
Award winners will be able to use the camera to thank anyone they neglected to mention on stage, and all those agents, producers, crew members and yes, hairdressers can finally get their due.
Actress Hillary Swank must welcome the move.
She famously forgot to thank her husband Chad Lowe during her long Oscar acceptance speech in 2000 for "Boys Don't Cry," though she managed to thank just about everyone else.
And if the webcam prevents tedium like listening to producer Jon Landau read a list of 45 names after winning Best Picture for "Titanic" back in 1998, there's a good chance we won't change the channel. Nothing is more boring than hearing a star rattle off the names of a bunch of people you've never heard of.
Of course, we wouldn't want to do away with the speeches altogether. What would that leave us with? A bunch of musical numbers, a few skits, film montages and a bunch of golden statuettes. No, it's the speeches that make the show memorable -- as long as they're done right.
If the speech involves tears, like those of Jamie Foxx, Halle Berry and Gwyneth Paltrow in recent years, we'll remember it, even if we don't understand what they're saying.
And if it's as understated as Joe Pesci's in 1991 -- who upon winning best supporting actor for Goodfellas simply said: "This is an honour and privilege. Thank you." -- we'll be grateful and impressed. (Incidentally, Pesci holds the record for the shortest Oscar speech.)
(Also incidentally: the record for the longest Oscar acceptance speech is held by Greer Garson, who won Best Actress in 1943. She spoke for an astonishing seven minutes. Even presenter Joan Fontaine had to sit down.)
When it comes to tolerable acceptance speeches, here's a good rule: Keep it simple. Thank your co-stars and the director and maybe the crew. Give a shout-out to your mother or spouse. If you simply must, thank God.
And if you can't be brief, at least be interesting.
Roberto Benigni made the most of his Oscar moment in 1998 by leaping over rows of seats to reach the stage, then declared "Thank you. This is a terrible mistake, because I used up all my English!"
In 1997, Cuba Gooding Jr. refused to have his speech cut short by the famous orchestra cut-off when his 45 seconds were up and gleefully yelled out his thank-you's over the music, while pumping his fists in the air.
No one will ever forget Sally Field's 1980 acceptance speech, when she declared "I can't deny the fact that you like me, right now, you like me!"
Nor will we forget Shirley MacLaine happily declaring upon winning Best Actress for 1983's "Terms of Endearment": "I deserve this."
We wish we could forget Vanessa Redgrave's acceptance speech in 1978 when she saluted the audience for refusing to be "intimidated by the threats of a small bunch of Zionist hoodlums" who were protesting her pro-Palestinian views.
But at least it was memorable.
A good Oscar acceptance speech is always succinct, sometimes funny (Woody Allen in 2002: "Thank you very much - that makes up for the strip search"), sometimes poignant (Halle Berry's "This moment is so much bigger than me"), sometimes thought-provoking (Sean Penn in 2004: "If there's one thing that actors know -- other than that there weren't any WMDs -- it's that there is no such thing as best in acting.")
A good acceptance speech is free of the usual cliches -- "I'm speechless!" "I don't have anything prepared," and the classic "I want to thank all the little people" -- and it's always entertaining.
Michael Moore delighted some and irritated others with his "Shame on you, Mr Bush! Shame on you." But at least he had something to say and he said it from the heart.
Perhaps actor Hugh Laurie from TV's "House" got it right earlier this year when he bemoaned the pressure on stars to say something profound when they rise to the podium to accept their award. He noted that "people are falling over themselves to offer you free shoes and free cuff links and colonic irrigations for two -- nobody offers you a free acceptance speech," he said.
"There just seems to be a gap in the market. I would love to pull out a speech by Dolce and Gabbana now."
