Helene Le Scelleur remembers the moment she opened the letter saying she would represent Canada at the 2017 Invictus Games.
Her life after leaving war-torn Afghanistan had been marred by alcohol abuse and suicidal thoughts -- all due to post-traumatic stress injury. The letter felt like a chance to regain some of what she loved about being a soldier for 26 years.
鈥淲hen you are out of the military, you are isolated. You are no longer with your team. You are no longer with you friends. You鈥檙e alone in the world,鈥� Le Scelleur told 麻豆影视. 鈥淵ou feel like you left something very important behind . . . almost that you abandoned people, even if that鈥檚 not the case.鈥�
Le Scelleur joined the Canadian Forces at 17, starting as a reservist in Montreal. Her parents though she wouldn鈥檛 be a fit for military life. She proved them wrong and became an officer.
By 2007, she was in Afghanistan taking charge of medical troops and co-ordinating evacuations from combat zones to a military hospital in Kandahar. She regularly witnessed the destructive power of improvised explosive devices, and came to see it first-hand.
A bomb struck her LAV III on a pitch-black moonless night.
鈥淲hen I woke up, everything was white in the vehicle,鈥� Le Scelleur said. 鈥淚 was looking around and I started to hear screams saying, 鈥楳edic, medic.鈥欌��
She said the driver was 鈥渂leeding all over his face,鈥� but alive. She helped him out of his seat and gathered the injured soldiers in the back of the vehicle. They stayed there for three or four hours debating if there would be a second assault as strange lights flickered in the distance.
鈥淚 saw horrific things. That stayed in my mind,鈥� she said. 鈥淏ecause I was in charge, I felt responsible because I lost two of my subordinates in Afghanistan. Even if it wasn鈥檛 me that did that action or put these people in danger, I had the responsibility to decide who was going where.鈥�
Those memories from Afghanistan followed her back to Canada, initially manifesting as nightmares, sweats, and hypervigilance.
Le Scelleur had recently started therapy to treat her post-traumatic stress injury when she landed a job interview for a position on then-Governor General Michaelle Jean鈥檚 security detail.
She said Jean knew her story, and asked if she was OK.
鈥淚 said, 鈥榊es. I am ready to work. It鈥檚 a new challenge and that is what I need.鈥� But it didn鈥檛 go as planned.鈥�
She used the change of scenery to escape into her new job, and other things.
鈥淚 was drinking a lot. It was a way of escaping my reality,鈥� Le Scelleur said. 鈥淎t some point I went in a down spiral. I was suicidal. I attempted once. And it was because my son, my older son, that I am here today. I though you cannot do the act because what are you going to leave behind for him.鈥�
She was eventually discharged from the army in 2016, after 26 years of service.
A NEW BEGINNING
Le Scelleur will play wheelchair rugby at this year鈥檚 Invictus Games in Toronto. She admits it鈥檚 a strange fit -- especially given that she has full use of both legs, unlike many of her teammates.
She said at first it felt strange to arrive at practice pushing her chair from behind.
鈥淚 was ashamed of being able to walk. I thought I would be judged, or not accepted within the team,鈥� she said. 鈥淚 was not comfortable.鈥�
Once the adrenaline kicked in and she got the hang of handling the ball while piloting the chair, all she could think about was how the bond between the members of the team reminded her of what she missed about military life.
鈥淚n the military, you always have somebody on your left and somebody on your right to take cover, to protect you. With the games and when I am playing rugby, it鈥檚 the same thing. You always have somebody to protect your back,鈥� Le Scelleur said.
Rugby is of course a contact sport, and the wheelchair version is no different. The crashing of chairs can get aggressive, and Le Scelleur wasn鈥檛 initially sure how she would react given her injury.
鈥淗earing the metal to the metal, it does to a certain level remind me of the explosion, the sound,鈥� she said.
As for the adrenaline, it鈥檚 just one more thing that takes her back to what she loved about serving in the Canadian Force for nearly three decades.
鈥淚t鈥檚 so adrenaline-driven. It reminds me a lot of when I was in the military,鈥� she said. 鈥淚 feel awesome. The team I am practicing with are just amazing people.鈥�
She said she has put a lot of 鈥減ositive energy鈥� into her Invictus Games training because she 鈥渨anted to use that opportunity to become a better person.鈥�
Le Scelleur points out that the word 鈥渋nvictus鈥� is Latin for 鈥渦nconquered.鈥� She feels the name is an apt descriptor for what she has gained as a participant.
鈥淏efore practicing my sports I felt conquered by something. I don鈥檛 know, life. Now it is different. Now I can make a step forward for myself,鈥� she said. 鈥淚 feel like I am in control.鈥�
With a report from CTV鈥檚 Kevin Gallagher
