麻豆影视

Editor's note: Dr. Katie Hurley, DSW, LCSW, is a child and adolescent psychotherapist, educator, public speaker and writer. The views expressed here are her own.

While school administrators and parents focus on phone bans in schools as kids head back to school 鈥� and rightfully so 鈥� we also need to pay attention to the other places where phone use (and overuse) occurs.

As a therapist who works with teenagers, I routinely hear from clients that their parents consistently criticize kids鈥� phone use but don鈥檛 curb their own use. Hypocrisy aside, teens tell me that it鈥檚 frustrating when their parents can鈥檛 give them their focus. Frustrated with their parents over their lack of attention, teens curb negative emotions by watching videos on social media.

Higher levels of perceived parent digital technology use that interferes with parent-child interactions 鈥� referred to as 鈥減arental technoference鈥� by the study authors 鈥� were associated with higher levels of anxiety, inattention and hyperactivity later in development, according to a new study published in August in JAMA Network Open.

Parents often tell me the same thing 鈥� their kids are glued to their phones and don鈥檛 listen when they try to engage them. And when parents feel rejected, they also turn their attention to their phones.

In many ways, families get stuck in an endless loop of fractured communication and hurt feelings because technology steals focus.

I try to help families zoom out and look at the problem from both perspectives, and often they are able to see that technology robs them of positive interactions and quality time. I tell parents and kids alike that everyone needs to make changes in their technology habits to restore positive communication and trust. (And note to adults: It鈥檚 our job as parents to work on our family dynamics and model good behavior for our kids.)

Before you worry that you must ban phone use completely at home, it鈥檚 important to note that the 鈥減arental technoference鈥� study deliberately centered on youth voices and did not include parent perceptions. But those results, although not conclusive, can make parents and caregivers more aware of what we do at home.

There鈥檚 a lot that can be done to curb 鈥渢echnoference鈥� and restore positive and meaningful conversations within families. And no, you don鈥檛 have to throw out your phones or do all these steps at once. Do try to put down your phones (everyone) to sort out some family tech guidelines.

Set family tech guidelines together

Parents often set rules they don鈥檛 always intend to follow. Keeping phones out of the bedroom is a common rule among parents of tweens and teens, yet this rule doesn鈥檛 often apply to the parents (guilty as charged).

While it鈥檚 perfectly logical to adapt the rules by maturity level, it鈥檚 also important to include kids in these conversations to increase their understanding about the differences. In my case, my kids know that my phone is in night mode and only family can reach me for emergencies after 9 p.m.

How can we do it? Including your children鈥檚 voices in these conversations gives them some agency over learning to use technology in a healthy way in the home. Think about these questions:

• When should we put our phones away at home?
• How can we help each other stay off our phones during family time?
• What system should we use to reduce our phone use (maybe a storage basket or central charging station)?

Practice active listening skills together

It鈥檚 natural for push notifications to grab attention when we see our phones light up, and it鈥檚 OK if that feels hard to resist. Some of our technology is designed to be addictive. Learning to use technology in moderation, like changing any habits, takes time and practice. Most people will make mistakes along the way.

How can we do it? Focus on these active listening skills at home to practice focused attention:

• Maintain eye contact or look near the person鈥檚 face if eye contact is difficult.
• Ask follow-up questions to clarify something.
• Avoid interrupting by holding your thought until the other person is finished speaking.
• Reflect on what you heard.
• Listen to understand, not to respond.

Create communication systems that work

Sometimes parents will need to address work situations as they pop up (a doctor on call, a journalist with a deadline, a government official during a storm), and teens will need to handle notifications from school. (My daughter said situations like notifications from group project text chats and homework deadlines that include a specific time are best addressed right away.)

How we handle these imminent requests matter so that we don鈥檛 reject one another or interrupt important points of connection.

• Remain focused until there is a break in the conversation.
• Be certain the request is urgent and needs immediate attention before stepping away.
• Make a follow-up plan to continue the conversation.
• Be clear when you set boundaries around work needs.

Like all things related to technology, learning to use it in a positive way in the home will likely be a work in progress for a while. Try not to be hard on yourselves, or your kids, as new information arises. The best thing families can do is remain flexible and adapt as information is updated.

Make family time together

It鈥檚 always a good idea to revisit things your family enjoys doing together that don鈥檛 include technology.

• Family game night
• Ice cream sundae bar
• Sunset walks around town
• Playing Mad Libs

By prioritizing having fun together, families can curb tech overuse in a positive way.

You don鈥檛 need to do this all at once. Families I work with often find that working on one small goal at a time makes a big difference. Go ahead and plan that weekly family game night; it might just be the tech-free zone you need to reset your family habits.