VANCOUVER - Parents of twins, triplets and even higher multiple births need to have a good sense of humour and not sweat the small stuff at a time when government policies haven't kept up with reality and public compassion is on the wane, say those who've welcomed several bundles of joy at once.
The increasing use of fertility drugs means more and more parents are having multiple babies. Last weekend, a Vancouver woman delivered sextuplets.
But once the babies are home, parental leave doesn't last any longer than it would if they'd had only one child. Meanwhile, the days when car and diaper companies were willing to donate products in exchange for publicity appear to be over.
Gail Moore, of Multiple Births Canada, wants the federal Conservative government to follow in the footsteps of countries like Italy and Sweden, which have extended leave for parents of multiple births.
"I don't understand why the fertility clinics are allowed to do what they're doing and (the government) doesn't have to actually somehow give us some kind of support because they've made an explosion that wasn't there before," Moore said from New Liskeard, Ont.
"It is about the babies, it's about giving them a good start on life."
Moore said her organization, which has 20 chapters across Canada, has been trying unsuccessfully to meet with the federal Conservative government to discuss the issue.
The group met with the previous Liberal government.
Liberal MP Anthony Rota said a policy change would level the playing field for parents who end up having more than one child at a time.
"Sometimes with the complications they're in the hospital longer so they use up some of their (employment insurance) on health reasons, not necessarily bonding with and raising the children," Rota said.
"With more and more couples having trouble with fertility and the multiple births coming up it's something that has to be considered and looked at," Rota said from his riding in North Bay, Ont.
Moore said the government also won't give her organization charitable status so it can ask companies for donations for parents dealing with the money crunch after the birth of several kids at once.
A charity can issue tax receipts so companies have an incentive to donate funds or services.
That's all the more important because corporations that once helped out with car seats, cribs and other essentials no longer do so because there are so many more multiple births these days, she said.
Yvonne Gilmour, the mother of quintuplets born in Saskatoon seven years ago, said some companies, like Pampers, donated goods for her babies.
But that's increasingly not the case, she said.
Gilmour said she hopes the Vancouver family, which has chosen to remain anonymous, gets the help they will need to cope with six babies.
"There's no financial help out there," she said. "There is no government support. I wish there had been some help to have nannies."
Gilmour already had a three-year-old daughter when her two boys and three girls - Simon, Ryan, Sara, Madison and Alex - were born July 28, 1999.
The government needs to seriously consider extending parental leave so both parents can stay home for at least six months when they have multiple babies, Gilmour said.
She said she was able to deal with the stress because people in her community stepped up to help the family and her sister left her home in Kelowna, B.C., and moved in for a year.
A friend co-ordinated over 60 volunteers that included members of her church and strangers who helped so she and her husband Rob could sometimes get up to six hours sleep, Gilmour said.
"I had people coming in almost around the clock. Four days a week I had people come in from midnight to six in the morning, doing that shift."
The helpers included mothers of twins, a retired nurse who was a triplet and two grandmothers who had twin grandchildren.
"I'm hoping they have a network of people in their church community," Gilmour said of the Vancouver family that are Jehovah's Witnesses.
Gilmour said she would tell the Vancouver parents of the sextuplets that a sense of humour and patience are the keys to getting through a tough time with so many little kids to look after.
She said her family sticks to basic needs and does without the extras and that she's had to learn to let some things - like having a clean house - just not bother her any more.
"I just wish them the best," Gilmour said of the Vancouver parents with sextuplets. "We are praying for them. I know my oldest daughter, she wants to go (to Vancouver) and help them."
Tina Otten, an American mother of sextuplets who will turn three in April, also expressed her best wishes for the family of Canada's first set of sextuplets.
Otten said her family has had no support from any corporations and even the Ford Motor Company where her husband works as an assembler didn't give them a discount on a larger vehicle.
The family from Granite City, Ill., ended up buying a 15-passenger van and a six-seater stroller.
"We had to buy a trailer just to haul it around because it doesn't fold. It's 140 pounds, just on its own.
"It's like a circus ride because it's bright red and it's huge."
She said people tell her to get a motor for the stroller but she chooses to push her six kids to get some exercise.
Mostly, the family has had to live lean to get by.
"We just do without," Otten said, calling herself a saver.
"Diaper companies just sent a few coupons here and there, just for a dollar off or something. Nothing that would help us."
It was the local churches that came through by donating money for diapers and other needs, Otten said.
"Everybody has hardships, even people who don't have a lot of kids, I guess," said the mother who also has two older daughters, aged five and six.
The hardest part has been dealing with some of the negative comments from strangers.
"People have said 'the state's always having to pay, you're taking money out of my pocket.' I'm like, 'hey, I don't have nothing state funded for me.' "
Like Gilmour, Otten called on the Vancouver family to have a sense of humour.
"When I had to stay in the hospital everybody's like 'why do you always smile?' I said, 'What do you want to do, cry?' " she said with a laugh.
"I don't want to say it was good news to have six of them because I don't know if I'd wish this on anybody but it's working out perfect for me. I love it."
