Gwyneth Paltrow still yearns for the baby she miscarried.
The 40-year-old 'Iron Man 3' star - who first revealed last month she tragically lost her third child during the second trimester a few years ago - admits she never expected to go through the experience and it took her a long time to get over it.
The actress, who has been named the World's Most Beautiful Woman by People magazine, told the publication: "It was awful. It happened really late, and I wasn't expecting it at all.
"For a long time I just couldn't understand that it had happened and why. I was like 'But I can't not be pregnant. I'm already past the first trimester, and I have three car seats in my head.'
"To this day I feel like I'm missing that kid. But it wasn't meant to be and you have to trust the universe."
The miscarriage made her realise how lucky she is to have two healthy children - eight-year-old Apple and Moses, seven.
She said: "More than anything I just realised 'Oh my God, I'm so lucky to have two healthy kids.'"
Despite nearly dying during the miscarriage, Paltrow and her Coldplay star husband Chris Martin haven't ruled out having another child in the near future.
She said: "We all think 'Urgh, I don't want to go back to diapers'. But my best friend's mom once said 'Don't do your planning around the pain in the a** of infancy, because it's so finite. Plan it around how many people you want at Thanksgiving.'
"So then I think, maybe. But I don't know."
Paltrow admits marriage is hard work but her nine-year relationship with Chris has never been better.
She said: "I also totally accept him and what he does, so I'm not the type of wife who is like 'Where are you?' I never make him feel hemmed in or like he's in trouble.
"And on a personal level as friends, we really get along. We really laugh, and we're super into our kids. There's a good foundation."
